Why Do I Feel Like I Don't Belong?
I've mentioned how I feel like I don't belong. But why? I'm 20, I know what I want to do in life. I've experienced heartbreak. I've lost a best friend I thought I would never lose (over a really stupid reason on her part). I've gone to college for a year. But why do I feel like I don't belong?
I'll tell you why.
I don't fit in because while everyone else my age has gone and been in more than 2 relationships (though technically I've only been in 1 officially), I sit at home alone. Everyone goes off about how they want certain things in relationships. I sit at home thinking "All I want is someone to court. Someone I could write letters to. Someone I could travel with. Someone who could understand how I want to stay pure." Everyone else is doing "21st century things" and I stay at home with my cat, my internet, a book, and sometimes a puzzle.
I don't think I've ever fit in. I've always told people that I'm an outcast because I'm introverted, or because I'm a tomboy (who would rather go outside and make mud pie with my brother in our sandbox). Along with being a tomboy, I also don't wear any make up, I don't know the first thing about it, and I have a theory I live by to go along with make up.
I started feeling left out in public school when I was always picked last for things. I went to a different high school from my public school friends, but I eventually found friends who were kind of similar to me. They didn't fit in either. They were great, and funny. And after my high school best friend moved away at the end of grade 10, my life had started to spiral.
A guy I had met through my brothers cadets up and vanished from my life and it hurt so bad. In school I had to go on without my main reason to laugh in a day (but at least I could actually focus on school for the next 2 years, lol). And when I graduated high school, I wished so badly that I could've graduated with her.
I took a victory lap in high school, and that was crazy.. I may make a separate post on that, no guarantees though.
College came. And again I was away from any friends. It was a change, and until I met my newest friends, things were crazy difficult for me.
Being old school, and not being one who fits in has always been a challenge of mine. But I'm only 20, I still have plenty of life yet to live.
I'll tell you why.
I don't fit in because while everyone else my age has gone and been in more than 2 relationships (though technically I've only been in 1 officially), I sit at home alone. Everyone goes off about how they want certain things in relationships. I sit at home thinking "All I want is someone to court. Someone I could write letters to. Someone I could travel with. Someone who could understand how I want to stay pure." Everyone else is doing "21st century things" and I stay at home with my cat, my internet, a book, and sometimes a puzzle.
I don't think I've ever fit in. I've always told people that I'm an outcast because I'm introverted, or because I'm a tomboy (who would rather go outside and make mud pie with my brother in our sandbox). Along with being a tomboy, I also don't wear any make up, I don't know the first thing about it, and I have a theory I live by to go along with make up.
I started feeling left out in public school when I was always picked last for things. I went to a different high school from my public school friends, but I eventually found friends who were kind of similar to me. They didn't fit in either. They were great, and funny. And after my high school best friend moved away at the end of grade 10, my life had started to spiral.
A guy I had met through my brothers cadets up and vanished from my life and it hurt so bad. In school I had to go on without my main reason to laugh in a day (but at least I could actually focus on school for the next 2 years, lol). And when I graduated high school, I wished so badly that I could've graduated with her.
I took a victory lap in high school, and that was crazy.. I may make a separate post on that, no guarantees though.
College came. And again I was away from any friends. It was a change, and until I met my newest friends, things were crazy difficult for me.
Being old school, and not being one who fits in has always been a challenge of mine. But I'm only 20, I still have plenty of life yet to live.
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